thinsiqnificant: spongebob’s thigh gap is dope as fuck
agentdalecooper: the bag my necklaces came in was tiny and my dad just looks at me and says “this is what they sell cocaine in on the streets” and his eyes lit up and he put some baking powder into the bag and put it on the counter and i was like what are you doing… and he was like “i’m going to tell your mom that we found this in your brother’s pocket” jesus christ
one-hamburger: Yeah the sun is hot, but have you ever stopped to think about its personality
Kim Kardashian: I'd like to marry this dude and spend $10 million dollars on a publicity wedding and 72 days later divorce him.
America: Well sure, why not?
Britney Spears: I want to get married in a chapel in Vegas and have the marriage annulled 55 hours later because I didn't know what I was doing.
America: Whatever you want!
Carmen Electra: I want to get married in Vegas to this basketball player, then annul the marriage 9 days later because we were both drunk.
America: Okay, sounds like fun!
Gay Couple: We would like to get married and spend our lives together and possibly adopt unwanted children to give them a good home and -
America: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU IDIOTS THAT IS DISGUSTING AND WRONG. YOU DEFILE THE SANCTITY OF MARRIAGE SO GET THE FUCK OUT.
cokeflow: *regrets something I said 4 years ago*